Waiting on Baby #2

2:24 PM

I am just about 38 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and officially on baby watch! Not that baby watch is an official thing, but we are working hard here to get ready in every way for another newborn. Prepping a home to be clean and tidy and organized with a toddler is I think the most futile attempt of my life...lol. There has to be a record for how quickly Isla can tear apart a room and of course my efforts in picking that room back up is seriously slow and seriously sad to watch...haha.

This time around, we haven't had to worry about buying too much. Eventually we will put the nursery together and that will be a little expensive because the room requires renos, but for now it's not needed as we are setting the baby up in our room. The list of things to cross off the list this time were: grabbing newborn diapers, postpartum supplies for me, doubling our cloth diaper stash and prepping it for use, tracking down a great deal on a double Peg Perego stroller, grabbing a few gender neutral newborn outfits in case we need them for a boy, washing all the baby things and accessories like the car seat, the cover, the baby wrap, the dockatot, the bassinet and sheet, picking up a new baby soother, getting the bottles and pump ready to go, meal prep, packing hospital bags, installing the infant car seat, purchasing a rocker/glider/recliner because last time we didn't have one and this time we want one, booking a birth photographer and newborn photographer (same as last time!), having help with Isla on standby for the labour call, and trying to clean/purge the house.

It seems like just yesterday we packed all our newborn stuff up...and it feels exciting to get it back out again. It's a little nervewracking to have them so close together but I am also grateful we are overlapping "seasons" and aren't totally out of baby mode yet! I feel it will make this transition a little easier, even if it is a little crazier!

Isla loves babies...so it will be interesting to see how she reacts to a newborn here. She is a very kind person and also very strong in her personality. I can see her loving the baby like crazy and also not being very keen on sharing mommy with the baby. We have some dolls and doll care accessories for Isla so that when I need to tend to the baby, Isla can hopefully tend to her baby. For a 20 month old, she really is a great helper and loves to be involved. I am moreso nervous about being away from her in the hospital even though I know she will be in good hands but I don't leave her often so that part is hard, and then also just knowing that life will forever be different after that for her - it's a totally new family dynamic! I know she will adjust but it's just one of those things you face head on and can't really prepare for. I know giving her a sibling is a great gift for her life so I will hold onto that even if she needs time to adjust.

I still can't believe I am almost at the finish line of this pregnancy! I wish I could be all sunshine and rainbows and just post about how lovely and special carrying life is (which it is) but man pregnancy is tough. And pregnancy with a baby/toddler is more tough. And pregnancy with some really challenging symptoms physically is especially tough. I so wish it was easier I really do... I'd probably just keep going and have 5 kids. I've always wanted a big family. However, pregnancy and my body don't 100% see eye-to-eye and watching the "quality" of motherhood that I could put out...heck the quality of anything I could do diminish before my eyes...it's hard for me. I don't want to keep having kids knowing that the formative years of their lives I am "unwell" and not operating as the best version of me. It doesn't seem right or fair! I want to be a mom to be involved and active and enthusiastic and focused - not to be trying for any spare moment to get away, go to sleep, lay down, have time for myself, etc. There were many days where SPD, migraines, vomitting, dizziness and other issues had me sick as a dog and not myself...and those days made me so so sad because it's just me and Isla home which means the days I am not well, she suffers too. It's such a conundrum.  I really honestly wish I had easy pregnancies. But as it is, and me being 31, I am totally content to stop at two and just be the best mom I can be! Anddddd if it happens again....well...I will be praying for an easier time or praying for some help! Cause doing this alone this pregnancy about 80% of the time has been really tough on me emotionally and otherwise. I am sooo thankful for such a supportive husband - honestly he is my rock. I could not have done this without him - that is for certain. I am so grateful to be near the end and about to meet my beautiful baby who my body worked oh so hard to create and care for. It is going to be such a joyous day to deliver! I am nervous of course with how Isla's went but I am also very excited. Please pray for a safe and peaceful and beautifully redeeming birth story for us.

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